Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
