If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
