I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
