I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
