nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
