I wish I could teleport
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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