His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
