I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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