I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
