Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize