Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
