I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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