omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We had sex on a dog bed..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
