I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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