Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Randomize
