My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
