I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize