the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I need to calm my uterus...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
