whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Houston, we have a blender
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
