that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
