dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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