i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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