Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
babies were throwing up all over the place
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
