My room smells like vodka and shame
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
