You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
