remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
barbara walters just said penis...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
