it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
