Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize