WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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