My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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