Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm passing your future prison.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
