i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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