i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
