Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Let's paint friendship bongs
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
