Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
