ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
