I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
