____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
