I will die if light touches me.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
where am i from again
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
