i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
