it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
