she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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