i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
