i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
