Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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