There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize