whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
