Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
