Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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