i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
