and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
