On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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