Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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