mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
