So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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