I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize