your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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