That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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