you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
