I CAN MOONWALK!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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