I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
