He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
