Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
