OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
