I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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