A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So here I am, sexting at work.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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