24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
