I need to stop coming to work sober
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize