DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
