my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
