So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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