One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
