I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
