1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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