But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
