My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize