I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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