Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Come back. Shots need mouths.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
