This is not my ceiling
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
