how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
