I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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