she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im about as happy as oj after his trial
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
