you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
