You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
