Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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