I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
