i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
what the fuck happened to the tacos
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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