She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
