They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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