I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
