Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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