is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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