the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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