In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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