remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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