she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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