That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
