Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize